The last Time I saw my Daughter Lacie was in Court (aka Laecee)

Dear Finn & Hazel,
Today is my 58th birthday, and I'm writing this post because it has been 4 years since I've seen my oldest daughter, Lacie, your Mommy. (aka Laecee)

We have had our ups and downs as most Mother & Daughters do...as it is a very complex relationship. But, I never thought we would end up being estranged...not allowed to come over her house, not invited to her wedding, and have the both of you withheld from me.
(my own Grandchildren)
After a bitterly hard divorce, with her father being mostly absent in her life...hardly any visits, and almost no child support. My ex-husband, her father, Micheal Arvid Roth owes me a huge amount of child support arrears for her, and our youngest daughter, Rebecca. At the highest point Mike Roth, who lives in Petaluma, CA owed $208,769.67 in arrears!
As a result of this, we have gone to court numerous times over the years. The last time I saw Lacie was in the courthouse hallway in Watsonville, CA on Nov. 2, 2010. I'm not sure why she was there, but I think she was pregnant with you, Finn. If you do the math she probably was in the very early stages of her pregnancy.
I went out to my car to get some pictures of when we lived in Camino that I had in an envelope. There are lots of pics that I think she hasn't seen, and I wanted her to have them.
As I was trying to hand them to her, she refused to take the pictures, yelled at me and said " I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU!" Here is one of the last photos from our Camino mountain home that I took of Lacie.

Lacie playing her flute in our living room ~ Camino, CA ~ 1998

Hands down, being a single parent was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life...emotionally & financially. Nobody can understand all the struggles of being a single parent "unless they have walked in my shoes" especially when there was NO help in any way, shape, or form, from the other parent. It was so hard to be both Mother & Father to my two girls. Both of them longed for their Daddy, and I felt really sad for them when they saw other children with their fathers. 

I sure hope that neither one of my girls ends up raising their children alone. I love both of my daughters very much, and did the best I could at the time, but looking back I know that there were some mistakes made. Unfortunately, there is nothing I, nor anyone, can do to change the past...

Lacie is terribly upset with me, and her anger towards me has ended up putting a tremendous strain on our entire family. My relationship with my parents, and with Rebecca, have suffered the most by the strain.
I think Lacie blames me for our divorce, and is very angry with me about certain things she claims that happened in her teenage years. I'm very sorry she feels that way, and "I apologize from the bottom of my heart" for any pain I have caused her.
Always,

Your Gramma Lynn 

Below: "The Good Times ~ Outside Our Camino Home" ~ Edelweiss ~ 1992-1998